The Hypocratic Oak #1: Jessica Simpson vs. Britney Spears by "The Piper"

It was a cold dark September day as I watched over one of the many preys of a frost bitten society. I am The Piper, a mishap angel from the heavens and hells. The line of work I choose cannot be condoned by the Devil or God, for I am not pure enough to be an Angel or heartless enough to be an Evil Servant. I am just far enough out of reach from both of them that they cancel each other out, but because of this my soul may never rest. My biggest weakness is witnessing one person’s continual abuse with an absence of remorse from the abusers. In my years I have helped many, and this time I set my eyes on one.

Britney had been in the line of fire since she began her career at a young age. She began her tour into the hypocritical charade we call the music business before she finished her high school education. Unfortunately, she didn’t know that the road ahead would be a hard and punishing path. I most often try to let nature run it’s course and it takes allot for me to interfere in peoples lives but enough had eventually turned into enough when the media tried to convince the people that Britney had faked her wedding for publicity. Never before have I seen such a unified effort to destroy a person’s well being as I have seen with her. Something had to be done to elude people from joining hands to do an evil deed rather than good. I knew at that particular moment, the time had arrived.

I first appeared to her one night while Kevin was away on some personal business. At first I scared the crap out of her but she eventually calmed down when I told her some personal issues that only she would know. I don’t know everything about a person, just what their eyes tell me, and hers pretty clearly dictated that she meant no harm. After our first meeting I had her convinced that there would soon be justice amongst her spiritual being.

The second meeting I appeared to her in a dream because Kevin had been lying right by her side. She exclaimed deep resentment toward Jessica Simpson for selling her wedding photos to US magazine knowing it would turn into a session that undermined her wedding to Kevin a week prior. This looked to be the first hang up that my psychological ventures would soon endure.

It was early October, and we decided on our plan of action. Britney had explained to Kevin everything that was happening. I had to appear to him so that he wouldn’t think that his beautiful new wife was losing it. I made some arrangements for her with Kathy Stinehour one of the radio station bosses in KISS FM’s Chicago branch. She was in charge of starting a "BOOBIES LIKE BRITNEY’S" contest that spread all the way to Cleveland, Ohio in 2002. The promotion was for women to win $5,000 to help to obtain breasts like Britney. A terrible lack of common sense undermining Britney and feeding on the overblown rumor that Britney had obtained a chest job at a young age. Needless to say this campaign turned upside with claims that the intent was to get girls to get chest jobs. And just like always Britney was placed within the center circle of all the trouble without even getting her chest altered. So Kathy owed Britney a big favor and I was the one who was going to get it out of her whether she liked it or not.

She used her connections within the company to arrange for a newlyweds special that would look like it was being endorsed by MTV and KISS FM. The reality of the matter was their was no plan to ever air the event. Jessica Simpson and husband Nick unknowingly felt it would be a good way to spend some time together and put away all the rumors that they’d been having marital problems. It would be an intimate re-enactment of there wedding over a year ago and at the same time promoting the happiness of Hollywood’s favorite couple.

The big day arrived and all was well in the house of love. The outdoor ceremony had proved to be the right decision for it was a lovely fall day in California. Jessica’s sister Ashlee was her maid of honor and Nicks brother Drew was his best man. Everything seemed to be going as planned until Jessica and Nick noticed something suspicious about the minister. It seemed he wore a stunning resemblance to Michael Landon, who was most noted for Little House on the Prairie and Highway To Heaven. In the heat of the moment the two put aside there discomforts and nestled closer as they were about to recite their vows. This is where I worked my magic. When Jessica turned to Nick for his poem of enduring love, she looked in his eyes and before he reached the end of his passage their standing in front of her was Kevin Federline.

Jessica looked down as she was still holding hands with whom she thought was her husband Nick. She turned for comfort in her moment of confusion to her sister Ashlee hoping when she turned back it would be Nick again. Her eyes never did find Ashlee for when she turned to her maid of honor it was Britney, who had her eyes still fixed on the minister. Jessica looked back to see Kevin as he started to laugh right in front of her. He released his grip on her hand and shoved her backward into Britney’s grasp. As Jessica was awkwardly stumbling backward she noticed Nick was standing next to Kevin.

Before Britney could get a firm grasp on her, she darted to Nicks side trying to seek protection. Nick however, was tranced as he just stood their and smiled as Britney snuck up behind her and pulled her off of him.

"Well, well, well; I finally got to run into the great Jessica Simpson!" giggled Britney!

"Britney! What have you done? What’s going on?"

Britney moved herself in closer as to get in Jessica’s face and smiled! "So you’re the type that'll kick a woman when she's down, eh? I never would've guessed! I thought we may even be friends in passing, but friends don’t do things to make the other look bad do they?"

"What are you talking about? My wedding photos? I didn’t know they were going to do that to you, honest!"

"Yeah we always just sell our dearest wedding photo’s to magazines without knowing their intentions. I don’t think your that stupid Jessie."

"Hey, if they didn’t get ours, they would have used someone else’s. It’s not my fault everyone has it in for you!"

The pain in Britney’s eyes was evident, that for money even someone everyone thinks is a saint will slam a knife in her back any chance they can get. It didn’t take Jessica very long either for her rise in popularity was all at Britney’s expense. First, the role of Daisy Duke and now Jessica helping to put a torch to Britney’s happiness. Britney was being accused of selling photo’s to People magazine of a fake wedding. They claimed that she did it for the money and exposure. When here standing in front of her was someone who sold their symbols of undying love to a magazine knowing they would be used to hurt someone else. One notion I don’t tolerate well and that’s wrongful intentions. It was clear Jessica had already taken her fame too far.

"So you took it upon yourself to contribute to dishonest and immoral publishing, I am glad to know I can trust you in the future," exclaimed Britney!

With this Britney made her move on Jessica by stepping all over her wedding dress and pushing her to the ground. Jessica took a hard fall before throwing her bridal bouquet about 5 feet behind her. The small group of people spread out as Jessica got up with an enraged look in her eyes. Britney however, was a little better dressed for the occasion as she seized Jessica by the veil and submerged her knee into Jessica’s stomach. Jessica buckled forward as Britney tossed the veil aside. Then she planted a right cross onto Jessica’s mouth spinning her head 90 degrees and causing her to fall face first into the moist grass.

"Wouldn’t it be fitting if I just happened to destroy you, at your fake wedding," remarked Brit!

Britney moved in and grabbed Jessica’s overflowing dress and wrapped it up around her arm. The thing about wedding dresses is they are made to drape elegantly on the ground around the bride. Britney however was using it as a leach by dragging her rival around the yard and rolling her from acre to acre. Jessica’s bright white gown was being assaulted by the green marks of nature beneath her. Her chest was being crushed under her in a less than luxurious fashion. Finally Britney ended the ride by taking a page out of the Friday the 13th series and slid Jessica back first into a tree. Not quite the velocity that Jason flung the girl in the sleeping back, but effective. Jessica rolled forward after the brutal collision as Britney took the lower half of the wedding dress and the slip with her before stumbling backward to the ground. She could see Jessica was now in a lot of pain as she arched her back on the ground, slamming her now bare legs from side to side and kicking off her wedding shoes in either direction.

Britney got to her feet and laughed, "I don’t know this might qualify as the worse wedding of the year don’t you think Jess?"

Britney somehow while still in her high heals, booted Jessica in the stomach until she had her rolling onto her back. What was left of the wedding dress hung briskly from Jessica’s shoulders as Brit belted her in the side with another kick, spinning Simpson over onto her stomach. Britney reached down and ripped the remains of Jessica’s dress off leaving her in custom fit lacy wedding bra and panties that together covered her whole mid-section.

"Please, Britney get away from me, I’m sorrrrrryyyy," grunted Jessica!

But Britney didn’t care anymore. She took her shoes off and whizzed one as hard as she could into Jessica’s already hurting stomach. When Simpson rolled to her side Britney threw the other one viciously into her back. She took Jessica by the hair and ripped her to her feet before tossing her back up against the tree. Spears let loose ruthless blows to Jessica’s tits before taking her head and ramming it backward against the hard surface. After the third rap Jessica looked like she had enough as she began to slide downward on the grass in an attempt to fall onto her scrumptious ass.

Britney watched as Simpson looked defeated slumping forward at a seated position. This however gave her a great idea. Britney quickly removed her silky red Maid of Honors dress leaving herself in just a bra and panties. Moving in with a swift bare foot kick to the face she spread her legs onto both sides of the tree and positioned Jessica’s head between them. She reached forward and grabbed onto the tree and slammed her crotch into Jessica’s neck thrusting her womanhood up and down and flattening Jessica’s head backward up against the tree.

Simpson was struggling for breath as she grabbed on weakly to Brit’s shapely butt. Her rival’s tempo was way to fast for Jessica to handle as her grip eventually pathetically fell to the ground beneath her. Britney was enjoying the feeling of Simpson’s head being crushed between her and the tree but she didn’t want to put her out completely. She had worked her own body till it was screaming for a release but knew she couldn’t afford to finish her off just yet for she still had other plans. She rolled Jessica onto her stomach and stripped the rest of her clothes off until she was completely naked.

She grabbed the slip that she had torn off of the wedding dress and tied it around one of Simpson’s ankles. She slowly began to drag the naked blonde back toward the wedding sight. One of Jessica’s legs dangled to the side as her head continued to thump on the uneven landscape. Her large breasts overflowed down to their sides as the skin on her back felt as though it was being scraped off. Britney had pulled Jessica’s body about 50 yards back to her entranced bridal party. They watched with no emotion or comprehension what so ever to what was happening.

"You still haven’t thrown your bridal bouquet Jessica!" dictated Britney!

Kevin had positioned Jessica’s small fragmented family just off the small alter in which the minister, bride and groom are supposed to stand. Britney went and got the bouquet, while Kevin began to lift Jessica to a standing position on the edge of the alter. Britney grabbed her other arm and helped straighten Jessica up before shoving the bridal bouquet into the brides flailing grasp.

The photographer started to take his pictures after they released her. He got at least five shots in before Jessica fell unceremoniously backwards off the alter and to the ground. The bouquet rolled slowly to the feet of her family members, but still they gave no expression. Britney walked over to the photographer and gave him a nice big kiss on the cheek and took the camera from him.

"Some insurance in case you decide to stab me in the back again! I think the tabloids would have allot of fun with Jessica Simpson’s naked wedding photos don’t you?" remarked Britney. "Now I think it’s time to pay the piper, my friend! Maybe this'll teach you to treat people the way you want to be treated! But. before I turn you over to him, I have a little bone to pick with you!" She walked to her bag behind the alter and pulled out a leather thong and two copies of Jessica’s In This Skin CD. She flung the thong to Kevin and then began to walk toward Jessica. "You know Jessica, I bought your album when it first came out to support you!"

Britney looked down at both copies of the CD comparing the track listings! "I really liked this album until you went and released a single that wasn’t on it! Then I found out you added that song when you reprinted it! Why would you reward the first million people who bought your album with a now incomplete version?" she fumed as she opened one jewel cases and rested it on Jessica’s left breast; taking the new version and placing it on the right one. "So what your telling me as a true fan I had to buy your album TWICE just to own the full version with 'You Take My Breath Away!' Jessica it’s not very nice to burn bridges and you intentionally burned over a million right there!"

Britney took her bare feet and began to stomp the CD’s into Jessica’s breasts. After a murderous rage, the shattered fragments began to draw blood. Now Britney didn’t want to do permanent damage to Jessica’s now defeated breasts, but she did want her to know how it felt to be stabbed in the back, or in this case the breasts! She expected this type of behavior from Christina but not from her. With that Britney finished taking Jessica’s breath away with one final blow to each of the moaning blondes mammaries. Britney kicked off the remaining fragments acknowledging Jessica’s once beautiful breasts as a now bloody mess.

"I think I will stop there! I do want you to heal even if you might deserve otherwise. That was just to give you something to think about while you're hanging on the tree!"

She laughingly took the leather thong from Kevin and put in on the semi-conscious Jessica, then they both pulled her to her wobbly feet and Kevin threw her over his shoulder, then carried her into the woods. They dropped her about 20 yards in, underneath a large Oak Tree; a tree I call the “Hypocratic Oak!” Britney and Kevin watched in horror as I commanded one of the tree’s branches down to grab Jessica’s thong, lifting her up into the air and hanging her up like an ornament on a Christmas tree! Only this wasn’t intended for holiday spirit, it was to teach Jessica that fame at another's expense is wrong! Maybe after her defeated naked body is caressed and battered by the winds, she'll understand the importance of this day. When she awakens from her slumber, there'll be others joining her - starting with Kathy and several of the KISS FM team!

To the next "Hypocratic Oak" story