Kristin Bell vs. Alexis Bledel by The Walkin’ Dude

It was getting on towards the end of January and the unseasonably warm weather than had been affecting a large portion of the Northeastern United States seemed to have forgotten all about Arkham Massachusetts. There had been snow flurries all day and as the light faded from the sky, the evening was heavy with the promise of an all night shower. And when the high temperature can be given on one hand, it stands to reason that the good folks of Arkham would want to head anywhere that could take their minds off the bone numbing cold, if only for a little while. One of the destinations folks were heading out to this evening was none other than the ramshackle old Yellow Sign Tavern - and for good reason I might add. Of course the Yellow Sign was always a good place to get a brew and a sandwich, but tonight there was an added bonus. Tonight, Fannin’s promotion was making their first appearance of 2006 at their second home and the regulars of the Tavern were in a jovial mood, to say the very least. As per usual, the card was loaded from top to bottom and the regulars had received everyone on the show warmly, even if warmly meant a standing ovation or a cascade of boos. And while the audience was clearly into everything on the under-card, it soon became apparent that everyone in the Tavern was awaiting the arrival of the Main Event. After all, it was a new year and Richard Fannin had planned something special for the loyal patrons of his venerable old establishment. And to find out just what that surprise is, let’s go down to the Ring Announcer who’s already in the squared circle.

Bringing the microphone up, the Announcer began, “Ladies and Gentlemen it is time for our Main Event, a best two out of three falls match where each fall may only be taken by a submission! As an added stipulation, when either competitor loses a fall, she will be forced to surrender a part of her outfit; specifically, her top after the first loss, and her bottom after the deciding fall.” He paused for a moment as the crowd digested this and then erupted into a round of exuberant cheering. Smiling a bit, the Announcer continued, “Introducing first, she stands at five feet one inch tall, allow me to present to you, Kristen Bell!”

‘Don’t Tread on Me’ rolls through the Yellow Sign and the capacity crowd doesn’t have to wait long for the slender blonde to make herself known. Standing at the top of the apron, Bell is sporting her trademark snarky grin, an expression infuriating to her opponents and endearing to the fans. Ceasing her reverie, she begins the short journey to the ring. For her battle this evening the blonde is wearing her usual bright yellow bikini with matching yellow pads and boots while her light blonde locks are cut in a short bob that ends a few inches above her shoulders. Approaching the ring, Kristen breaks into a sprint and glides easily under the bottom rope before sliding halfway across the ring and popping to her feet.

Waiting for the cheers to die down, the Announcer resumes his shtick, “And introducing her opponent, she stands at 5’5”, ladies and gentlemen I give to you…Alexis Bledel!”

The unmistakable opening to Cells pulses through the Tavern as the lean brunette makes her way through the curtain and down the ramp. For her grudge match with the blonde, Alexis is clad is a simple midnight blue bikini with white piping along the edges. The ensemble is finished off with matching dark blue pads and boots. On her way to the ring, Alexis gives the fans a small smile before turning her attention to the woman already in the squared circle. Spotting Kristen, her blue eyes narrow and hard, determined stare creeps across her pretty features. Reaching the apron, she hops up and climbs through the middle ropes before heading to her corner.

The bell rang loudly throughout the confines of the club and the audience got even louder now that all the preamble was out of the way. In the opening seconds of the match, Kristen and Alexis regarded one another from across the ring with cool, level stares. Never letting her gaze leave the brunette’s, Kristen pushed out of her corner and strolled slowly towards the center. Seeing the blonde make the first move, Alexis exhaled quietly and moved to join her newest rival. Rolling her shoulders a bit as she walked from the corner, Bledel moved in a slow circle, keeping Bell on her left as she carefully cut the distance between them. Watching Alexis’ steady approach, Kristen dropped into a low crouch and circled along with the brunette, making sure to keep several steps back from the willowy girl’s outstretched fingers.

After a pair of revolutions around the ring, Kristen decided to change the rules of engagement, lunging forward and going low as she tried to trip up Alexis with a Single Leg Takedown. But Alexis was too quick for the ploy and Kristen’s hands only brushed the brunette’s padded right knee before Bledel spun aside and ended up a few feet behind Kristen. Watching Bell whirl around and drop into her crouch again, Alexis allowed herself a small smile before saying, “Nice try Kristen. But it’s not going to be that easy for you.”

Kristen smirked and fired back, “I didn’t expect to take you down on the first try Alexis, but the second will probably be…”

The blonde cut her words off as Alexis shot forward with arms aimed for Bell’s hips. Much like Bledel had done only moments ago, Kristen stepped aside and kept her guard up as the brunette spun around and reset her stance. Her grin growing a little wider Bell said, “Almost got me there skinny. What say you and I stop testing our reflexes and start testing our joint flexibility? After all, that’s why we're here right?” She brought both hands ups and curled her fingers towards Alexis, inviting the brunette into the clench.

Tucking a single stray hair behind her ear, Alexis brought her own hands up. Bending her legs slightly, she smiled and responded, “Show me what you’ve got Kristen.”

They both were in motion colliding hard in a basic, but expertly applied Collar and Elbow Tie-up. With one hand gripping the blonde’s shoulder while the other clasped the back of her neck, Alexis suddenly stepped back and pulled forward, yanking Kristen off balance and into a stumble. In an instant, Bledel wrapped both arms around her foe’s head and bore down hard, trapping Kristen in a skull-grinding Side Headlock. Taking only a moment to enjoy the tiny groan coming from her captive, Alexis dropped to her knees and flung the blonde over her hip, taking the smaller girl to the mat with a Headlock Takedown.

Bledel had been in contact with the mat for less than five seconds when Kristen twisted in her grip and managed to snap her legs tight around Bledel’s throat in a Neck Scissors, breaking the brunette's Headlock in the process. Gritting her teeth as Kristen squeezed her head, Alexis placed her hands on Bell’s thigh and pushed up hard, popping open the blonde’s vice-like grip. Rolling to one knee, Alexis was getting to her feet just as Kristen was doing the same. Smiling at Alexis’ slightly flushed face (Kristen may have been small, but her scissors were still nothing to fool around with) Bell smiled and rolled her shoulders. “First encounter leads to a stalemate. Ready for something a bit more decisive?”

Feeling the last vestiges of her minor asphyxia melt away, Alexis answered, “Absolutely.” right as she lunged forward to meet the blonde’s charge. This time when they locked up, it was Kristen who acted first, grabbing hold of the brunette’s left wrist in both hands before twisting the captive limb in a circle, putting intense pressure on Alexis’ elbow and shoulder with the Arm Wringer. Working the simple hold like a champ, Kristen’s typical snaky smile only got wider when she repeated the arm twisting maneuver, forcing Alexis to rise up on her tiptoes to alleviate some of the pain. Grinding her foe’s wrist in both hands, Kristen rose up on her toes as well before asking, “You don’t want to give up already do you? It would be pretty anticlimactic if you lost your top thanks to an Arm Wringer. I mean, the fans might cheer when you go all topless beach on them, but that’ll probably change when they realize you surrendered so damned fast!”

Listening to the blonde’s wisecracks proved significant enough incentive for Alexis to block out the twinge in her arm momentarily. Glaring coldly at Kristen, Alexis suddenly dropped to one knee and put her free hand palm down on the mat. In a split second the tall brunette executed a perfect one-handed cartwheel. When she regained her footing, Bledel had reversed the pressure on the Arm Wringer and now it was Kristen that was forced to rise up on her toes and wince at the pain shooting up her arm. Returning her opponent’s attack with a methodical slowness, Alexis grinned and chided, “I don’t plan on losing any clothes tonight Kris, but I suspect these people will enjoy seeing all three feet of you in your birthday suit. If you want to get used to the feeling of the air conditioning on your boobs, you could give up now and save us all a little hassle.” She torqued Kristen’s wrist a little more, just to make the blonde squirm.

Smirking, despite the awkward angle of her arm, Kristen shook her head ‘no’ before spitting, “Dream on Sarah plain and tall. A little hurt now just means I won’t feel bad about hurting you a lot later.”

Not allowing the brunette another second to twist her arm, Bell suddenly stepped forward and clasped her free hand around the back of Alexis’ neck. In the next instant the blonde executed a short hop that ended with her boots coming to rest on Bledel’s upper thighs. As soon as her perch was secure, Kristen fell back, tossing the brunette up and over with a Monkey Flip. Now the normal end result of a Monkey Flip has the recipient flat on her back, but Alexis was anything but normal and she managed to roll with the force of Kristen’s toss and the slender beauty landed on her feet with all the ease of a trained gymnast. Ignoring the appreciative applause of the crowd, Alexis immediately returned her attention to Kristen, noting with no small satisfaction the way the small blonde was rubbing her twisted arm.

Flipping the hair out of her eyes, Alexis locked eyes with Kristen and opened her mouth to fire off a barb. Kristen, always willing to exchange insults with an opponent, was already preparing a retort, but she’d fallen into Alexis’ trap and instantly found her right leg wrapped up by the ring savvy brunette. In the blink of an eye, Alexis had dumped Kristen onto her back and with the blonde’s leg still in her possession, Alexis grapevined both legs around Kristen’s and fell to the mat. Even before she hit the mat, Bledel was ripping and tearing at Kristen’s ankle, torturing the blonde’s joint with a potentially match ending Ankle Lock.

Wrenching hard on Kristen’s ankle, Alexis tossed her head back and with a triumphant grin roared, “What’s the matter Kristen? Foot hurt? Still think I don’t have what it takes to make you tap?” Bledel fell silent then, saving her breath as she continued to maul and jerk at Bell’s boot covered foot.

Screeching in agony as Alexis tortured her ankle, Bell shook her head frantically ‘no’ as the ref asked for her submission. Slapping and clawing at the mat in frustration, Kristen let out an ear splitting cry and yelled, “HOW’S THIS FOR TAPPING YA DUMB BITCH!?”

Not caring what Alexis said in response, Kristen pulled her free foot back and then drove it forward hard into Bledel’s elbow. The brunette grimaced, but did not relinquish her grip. Undeterred, Kristen pulled her foot back and blasted another short salvo of stomps into Alexis’ exposed elbow until the brunette was forced to relinquish her hold.

Choking back another anguished whimper, Bell pulled her legs under her and slowly pushed to her feet. Glaring angrily at Alexis as the brunette got to her feet, Kristen tested her tender ankle, found it to be solid enough and returned her focus to Bledel.

Shaking off the burning sensation in her elbow, Alexis glared right back at Kristen and said coldly, “Toes a little tender there, Tiny? Got anything funny to say now?”

Lips curling in a snarl, Bell hurled back, “I’ll save the jokes for later. They’ll serve as a nice counterpoint to your sobbing surrender.”

Then in a blatant example of baiting one’s adversary, Kristen held out both arms and flipped Alexis a pair of birds.

Chuckling under her breath as Alexis nearly choked on her anger, Kristen continued, “Look Alexis, my hands are telling you what the rest of me already knows. You’re number two!”

That last slight used up the last of Bledel’s patience and she launched herself at the blonde with an almost feral sounding hiss. But this rare show of impetuousness on the brunette’s part turned out to be costly because Kristen shot both hands out and snatched Alexis’ left arm out of the air and with practiced ease, she took Bledel up and over with something like a Judo toss. Less difficult to define was the move that Kristen followed up with as soon as Alexis hit the mat. Still holding the brunette’s arm, Bell laced both her legs around Alexis’ trapped arm and fell back to the mat. Crossing her ankles, Kristen clenched her legs and pulled back savagely, trying her best to hyperextend Alexis’ elbow with the Cross Arm Breaker. Alternately relaxing and bearing down on the hold, Kristen mauled Alexis’ elbow, and the brunette’s pained screams were music to Bell’s ears, especially after the time she’d spent suffering in Bledel’s Ankle Lock. Grinding Alexis’ wrist in her grip, Kristen rose up just enough to grin down into the brunette’s pain-etched face. Smacking her crossed ankles up and down on Alexis’ far shoulder, Kristen panted, “How do you like it Beanpole? Beginning to see you bit off a little more than you can chew?”

Shaking her head ’no’ as the ref asked her for surrender, Alexis arched up, trying to bridge out of the hold. Turning her head to sneer at Kristen, the brunette retorted, “I’m gonna chew you up and spit you out shortstack.”

Rolling her eyes at Bledel’s defiance, Kristen smirked and chided, “Oh, well if that’s the case, maybe I’m the one who’s bitten off too much. Let’s find out shall we?” The words were just out of her mouth when she darted her head down and bit down hard on Alexis’ defenseless fingers. Kristen’s mouth wasn’t able to smile but her eyes were aglow with malicious joy as she chomped down hard on Bledel’s digits. Blinking back tears as her elbow and fingers were decimated, Alexis managed to place her free hand on the mat and shove up hard, rolling herself over Kristen to grab a hold of the ropes just behind the blonde. In the sanctuary of the ropes, Alexis demanded to the ref that Bell release the hold, a demand the blonde complied with only after much prodding. Scrambling away from the slowly rising Kristen, Alexis held her injured arm tight against her chest while she got to her feet. Using the pain as motivation, Bledel pushed aside all thoughts not involving the slow, deliberate torture of Kristen Bell and stalked her way across the ring.

Drawing in close to Kristen, Alexis sneered, “I’m gonna lock you up and break you down Kris.”

Bell only smirked and lunged to meet her opposition, sending the two rivals into another close and clinchy Lock-up. Kristen and Alexis pushed against one another for several seconds and then Alexis seemed to fight through the pain in her arm and Irish Whipped Kristen across the ring, sending the blonde bouncing into the ropes. Setting her feet, Alexis waited for Kristen to draw within range and then she lashed a foot towards Bell’s face with a chin shattering Super Kick.

Just microseconds before her boot smashed into the blonde’s chin, however, Kristen went low and ducked around behind the brunette. Kicking at nothing but air, Alexis cursed under her breath, caught her balance and whirled around on her heel. All this took about a second, but unfortunately for her, it had taken Kristen less than second to set her stance and fire off a Super Kick of her own. Alexis saw the boot rushing in to meet her face, but she couldn’t even get her hands halfway up before the strike nearly took her head off. Hopping on one foot for a moment, Kristen smiled smugly as she regained her balance and surveyed the downed form of Alexis Bledel.

Sauntering over to the brunette’s left side, Bell joked, “Well Alexis, that hurt my leg a little bit, but I bet it hurt your face a whole lot more.”

Not waiting for a response from the brunette, Kristen dipped into a slight crouch and then exploded upward in a perfect vertical leap. When gravity reclaimed her momentum, Kristen came crashing down hard with both knees slamming into Alexis’ shoulder and bicep. Bledel tried to stifle a sob without much success and she rolled over onto her side to escape more punishment, but the blonde smelled blood in the water and she was relentless in pressing her attack. Muscling the crippled brunette onto her belly, Kristen grabbed hold of Alexis’ left arm before laying leisurely across the brunette’s sweat-slicked back.

Locking her elbows, Kristen blew some hair out of her eyes and purred, “Hope you’re ready to have the world’s first 360 degree elbow Alexis. And don’t worry, I’ll take your top off for you if you can’t mange the task with one hand.”

She planted her feet on the mat and leaned back across the brunette’s body, cinching on the Fujiwara Arm Bar to draw a terribly pained shriek from Alexis’ quivering lips. Screaming and writhing uncontrollably thanks the inferno burning in her shoulder, it took Alexis several seconds before she looked up and saw that the ropes weren’t entirely out of reach. Her glassy blue eyes suddenly cleared up and helplessness was driven away by the beginnings of a plan. Biting her bottom lip to avoid crying out any more, Alexis extended her free arm as far as she could but there were still several inches between her and freedom. A look of fury replaced the anguish in her features and the slender brunette let out a low growl as she somehow succeeded in dragging her entire frame (and Kristen’s as well, can’t forget about her) across the last few inches of mat before clutching the bottom rope and shaking it with all her strength. Still busy working over Alexis’ shoulder, Kristen didn’t even hear the ref until he was at the ‘THREE’ marker on his five count. Glancing over her shoulder, the blonde’s look of surprise turned to one of disgust as she realized what the brunette had been able to pull off.

Releasing Bledel’s arm with a scowl, Kristen rolled to her knees and muttered, “All right Alexis if that’s the way you want to play it, I’ll make sure all your limbs get the Gumby treatment before the night is over.” Then she was on her feet and cutting the distance between her and the brunette, which wasn’t much of a challenge seeing as how Alexis had only been able to rise to one knee, and that was using the ropes for leverage no less.

Burying both hands in a dark tangle of brunette locks, Kristen said cheerfully, “Rise and shine pasty. Time for another reason to visit the physical therapy wing of the hospital.”

Ignoring Alexis’ drunken protests, Bell hauled her rival to her feet and marched her out into to the center of the ring. Releasing her grip on Bledel’s hair, Kristen quickly scooped the bigger girl up, holding her stomach first across her shoulder like a long legged sack of potatoes. Clasping her arms tightly around the brunette’s waist, Kristen turned in a slow circle, showing Alexis off to every side of the ring.

Nodding at the whistles and applause being thrown her way, Bell smiled and said, “That’s right guys, her top’s comin’ off real soon. And her bottoms will be joining her top shortly thereafter. Hope you guys don’t have issues with nudity.”

As the crowd assured her this was no problem at all, Kristen took another step towards disrobing her adversary by rising up on her toes and then quickly dropping to one knee, slamming Bledel’s tortured left shoulder into the posted joint with a wicked Shoulder Breaker. A shudder wracked Alexis’ body and she let out a low grown before falling to the mat where she curled up in loose ball, trying desperately to protect her wounded arm.

Still on one knee, Kristen put hands on her hips and taunted, “Aww, is the rest of you feeling the need for some attention? Well OK, I’ll lavish some love on the rest of you for a while.”

Pulling Alexis to her feet once more, Kristen jerked the lanky brunette in close and proceeded to drive a hard knee up into her belly. Alexis’ eyes bugged out and the breath left her lungs in a gasp as she was once again dropped to both knees. Running a hand through her hair, Kristen only smiled and pulled Alexis up again before delivering another three Knee Lifts to Bledel’s paunch, each one a little harder than the previous one. After the belly-bashing blow nearly took Alexis off her feet, Kristen changed tactics yet again. Standing chest to chest with the wounded brunette, Kristen looped one arm around her opponent’s waist and threaded the other between Alexis’ legs, her hand getting a good grip just under Bledel‘s butt. Her grip in place, Kristen popped her hips and tossed Alexis up and over, dropping her hapless adversary almost directly on her head with a perfectly delivered T-Bone Suplex.

Lying splayed on the canvas, trying to blink the harsh glare of the lights from her eyes, Alexis refused to accept how badly the match was going for her. Ignoring the throb in her shoulder and the ache in her skull, Bledel slowly rolled to her side and pushed to her knees.

Spotting a jubilant Kristen playing to the crowd, Alexis brushed the hair from her face muttered, “I beat you before Kristen, and I’ll be damned if I can’t do it again.”

Getting to legs that felt much more wobbly than usual, Alexis stalked up behind the oblivious Kristen and waited just a moment before whispering, “You gonna try to finish me off or ya just wanna stand there and look blonde?”

Kristen spun around to face her in an instant but Alexis was already upon her, blasting the smaller girl with a vicious series of right hands that crossed Bell’s eyes and had her backpedaling wobbly butt into the ropes. Refusing to let Kristen get away from her, Bledel pressed her attack and hammered several more punches into her face, blatantly ignoring the ref’s admonition to watch the closed fists. Knowing she needed to hit a big move if she wanted to swing the tide of the match back her way, Alexis took a change with her bad arm and grabbed Kristen’s right wrist in both hands. Planting her feet, she attempted the Irish Whip and all was going well til the very last second when Kristen somehow cleared her head and managed to reverse the momentum on the toss, sending Alexis into the ropes instead.

Firing off a silent string of curses, Alexis bounced off the ropes and headed back towards Kristen. It was with some horror that the brunette realized Kristen was heading towards her as well, or to be more precise, Kristen’s elbow was on a crash course with her face. Alexis got her arms almost all the way up this time but it still wasn’t fast enough to prevent Kristen from driving the joint right into Alexis’ chin courtesy of a Flying Back Elbow. Lying on the mat, Kristen looked over at the sprawled form of Alexis and quickly rolled to her feet.

Scowling, the diminutive blonde took a moment to rub her jaw; trying as best she could to erase the last vestiges of the stiff punches Alexis had surprised her with. Bending down to pull the dazed brunette to her feet, Kristen muttered, “I knew I should have just kept working your arms. The left one’s already useless and pretty soon the only thing the right one will be good for is tapping out. Hell you may even have to use your feet to surrender. That is, assuming you want to surrender. I wouldn’t mind if this stubborn pride thing of yours keeps up long enough for me to totally dismantle you.” She trailed off then as she took Alexis’ relatively healthy right arm by the wrist and proceeded to twist in a circle several times, reapplying the Arm Wringer she had used so effectively earlier on in the match. Pulling up on Alexis’ wrist as hard as he could, Kristen was pleased to see the brunette could do little more than slap ineffectively at her captured limb and rise up on her toes in order to alleviate some of the pressure. Grinning her trademark grin, Bell whispered, “You beat me and it was a fluke. Now I can show everybody just how much better than you I really am.”

Looking for something a little more visually interesting to hurt the brunette with, Kristen released half of her grip on the brunette’s wrist and pulled her toward her. Stepping in to meet her stumbling foe, Kristen quickly shot one hand through Bledel’s legs while the other found it’s way across the brunette’s shoulder. With another sadistically smooth twist of her hips, Kristen took Alexis of her feet and spun her in a tight little half circle that ended with her driving the full length of her adversary's body into the mat with a Power Slam. Kneeling next to Alexis’ prostrate form, Kristen flipped the hair out of her eyes and then gently brushed the strands from Alexis sweat beaded brow. Locking eyes with the grounded brunette, Kristen smiled smugly and said, “Ready to feel the night wind on your tits Alexis?”

Bledel’s face scrunched up in a grimace of distaste and she fired back, “You’re not getting ANY of my clothes tonight Kristen; just give it up already.”

Kristen frowned and sneered, “I think YOU’RE the one who should’ve given up already. But go ahead, keep your top a little longer - it’ll make it all that more satisfying when it DOES come off! But what say we give the folks at home at least a little something to whet their appetite? It’s only fair, they did pay good money to see me strip you naked!”

Ignoring the horrified widening of Bledel’s blue eyes, Kristen reached down and savagely tweaked the brunette’s nipples through the thin fabric of her top. Laughing over Alexis’ humiliated groans, Kristen ceased her assault on the brunette’s bounty and grabbed another double handful of her hair. Rising to her feet, she pulled Alexis up as well and the domineering blonde wasted little time in continuing her prolonged attack on Bledel’s left shoulder. Standing face to face with her rival, Kristen stepped to Alexis’ left and grabbed hold of the brunette’s arm, pulling it tight across the blonde’s chest.

Preparing to deliver the Single Arm DDT, Kristen couldn’t help but look over at Alexis and taunt, “Time to separate your shoulder from the rest of you, skinny.” She’d just finished speaking when Alexis suddenly tensed up in her grip and the formerly loose arm dug into her shoulder with renewed energy.

Before Kristen could do anything, Alexis looked over and fired back, “Too bad I can’t separate your mouth from the rest of you, ya bitch!”

The taunt was still hanging in the air when Alexis threaded her left foot behind Kristen’s legs and shoved forward with all her might. Bell was caught off balance by the force the larger girl put into the shove and she went down hard and fast, landing painfully on her back and shoulders, a victim of Alexis’ improvisation on the classic STO Takedown.

Sprawled on top of her dazed opponent, Alexis glared down into Kristen’s glassy eyes and for the first time in several minutes, she smiled. Grabbing a dual handful of the blonde’s mane, Alexis got her feet under her and pulled both of them back to a vertical base.

Standing in front of the smaller girl, Alexis took a step back and chided, “You sure did a number on my arms Kristen, but you may live to regret not paying more attention to my legs.”

She kicked Bell in the gut, as hard as she could, dropping her to both knees in wheezing, gasping heap. Taking her time, Alexis moved to Kristen’s side and then bounced into the ropes, using them to pick up momentum as she loped back towards the penitent looking blonde. With less than a foot of room separating Alexis from her nemesis, the brunette pistoned her knee up, catching Bell right in the temple with a Running Knee Lift.

Kristen let out a single low moan and then she was driven onto her back, left sprawled painfully on the canvas by the force of the simple, yet devastating attack. Allowing herself another smile and several deeps breaths, Alexis pointed at Kristen’s top and looked out at the crowd. Over the din of their cheers, she called out a single word. “SOON!” Returning all of her attention to the blonde splayed at her feet, Alexis recalled an old boxing adage from her training days. Under her breath she whispered, “Kill the brain and the body will die.” And she followed that up with, “Sounds like a plan to me.” Breaking her reverie, the brunette bent down and pulled the quietly moaning Bell to her feet before trapping her in an inescapable Front Face Lock. Making sure to use her strong right arm to do the heavy lifting, Alexis grabbed a big handful of Kristen’s yellow briefs and hauled the blonde directly over her head. But when the time came to fall back and administer the Vertical Suplex, Alexis deviated from the typical course by dropping straight down; spiking Kristen’s head into the canvas from several feet up with a diabolical Brainbuster. Bell’s head hit the mat with a damp THUD’ and she immediately rolled over onto her side, sobbing and protecting her battered head in both hands.

Alexis watched her rival’s pained reaction with a dispassionate eye. After all the hell Kristen had put her through earlier, she wasn’t about to take it easy on the blonde just yet. With a slow snarl forming on her face, Alexis grabbed a handful of Kristen’s bra strap and pulled her to her feet. Maneuvering herself behind Bell, Alexis pressed in close to her foe even as she was applying a Half Nelson with her left arm and reaching across Kristen’s torso with her right.

Breathing hard in the blonde’s ear, Alexis whispered, “Does your head hurt sweetie? Maybe all you need is a little sleep, and this will all feel like a bad dream. Of course when you wake up, you really will be naked in front of everyone. Funny how life works sometimes.” Finishing her barb, Alexis grabbed hold of Kristen’s dangling left wrist and pulled it tight across Bell’s throat, locking on the time tested Cobra Clutch. Kristen began to gag and choke almost instantly and the blonde tried valiantly to reach for the ropes, but Alexis simply leaned back and put more pressure on the hold, forcing the blonde to devote all her attention to not passing out. Grinding her hips slowly against Kristen’s quivering flank, Alexis purred, “You’re starting to tremble Kristen. Is that fear of passing out or in anticipation of getting to show off your uninhibited side?”

Gurgling sporadically as she tried to free herself, Kristen found just enough air to fire back, “It’s the anticipation of doing THIS!” She brought up her right foot and then slammed it down on Alexis’ foot, making sure to scrape her heel along the brunette’s shin as she did so.

Alexis yelped in surprised hurt and was forced to release the hold so she could hobble back to check out her foot. Feeling the pain in her toes fade quickly, Alexis glared a hole in Kristen’s back as she stalked forward and grabbed a hold of the blonde’s shoulders. Without a word, she pulled Bell around to face her and bent low to grab hold of her opponent’s right ankle. Watching Kristen hop awkwardly on one foot, Alexis hissed, “That’s the last time you’re ever going to do that to me.” A cold smile blossomed on her pretty face as she made that statement and as soon as it was completed, she twisted violently to one side as she fell to the mat, wrenching Kristen’s leg viciously with a Dragon Screw Leg Whip. The blonde howled and grabbed at her knee as she hit the mat, but if she thought she was out of the woods yet, she was in for a rude awakening. Because Alexis maintained her grip on the blonde’s ankle and she forced her way back up, bringing a hopping and mewling Kristen Bell along with her. Alexis had been on her feet for less than five seconds when she administered another Dragon Screw, this one even quicker and more violent than the last.

Ignoring Kristen’s tortured shrieks, Alexis continued the destruction of the blonde’s knee by maintaining her death-grip on Kristen’s ankle and getting to her feet again, this time leaving Kristen on the mat. Tucking the trapped limb into her armpit, Alexis stared down at Kristen and said contemptuously, “I hope you’re flexible Kristen. You’re going to have to be if you want to walk… or even crawl, away from this.” Then she slowly turned over, forcing the blonde onto her stomach. When the turn was completed, Alexis sat down and leaned back as hard as she could, stretching Kristen’s leg to the limit with a heinous Single Leg Crab. Holding Kristen’s exposed limb in both hands, Alexis bounced up and down on the blonde’s butt while simultaneously jerking the leg back and forth, forcing earsplitting cries of pain from the downed girl.

Savoring the sensation of shredding Kristen’s resistance, Alexis continued to pour on the pressure and chided, “Ready to unveil the twins for everyone to see shorty? I’ll help you with that pesky top if it’s too much trouble for ya.”

On the mat, Kristen bell was digging both hands deep into her scalp to keep from tapping out Shaking her head ‘no’ as the ref got in her face, one thought kept going through the blonde’s mind.

“She beat you once and it was a fluke. But if she beats you twice, people will start to believe it. Do you want that?” Answering her own question (and the referee’s coincidentally) Kristen growled “No ####ing way.” and then got her hands palms down on the mat. Drawing on every bit of her mental conditioning to put aside the pain, Kristen pushed herself off the mat and began to crawl slowly towards the ropes and their promise of freedom.

Feeling herself begin to move, Alexis looked over her shoulder and realized what Kristen was trying to do. Refusing to let the blonde get away that easily, Alexis snarled, “Oh no you DON’T” and quickly released half of her grip on Bell’s leg. In an instant, Alexis scissored her legs around Kristen’s bent one and let her hands fall away only to lay down on her captive’s back and wrap her arms around Kristen’s head in a very basic, very painful Crossface. Bledel had very efficiently turned the Half Crab into an STF and this was a hold that Alexis could work very well. Scissoring her legs tighter around Kristen’s painfully bent right leg, the brunette pulled back with everything she had, actually pulling Bell’s head and chest off the mat. Believing Kristen was at her breaking point Alexis roared, “SUBMIT!” but the blonde wasn’t willing to concede even though the agony was terrible.

Through the glaze of her tears, Kristen saw the ropes a few inches away and she shot her hand out to grab the middle rope. As soon as it was in her possession she screamed, “IIMMH HINNN THHHAA ROOPPES!” She heard Alexis snarl in frustration, but she also heard the ref begin his count and moments later, Kristen was free from her foe’s clutches, at least for the time being. Standing over Kristen as the blonde tried to work her way back up to a vertical base, Alexis snarled under her breath and shoved the ref aside as he tried to get between the two warring beauties. Burying a single talon in Kristen’s golden curls, the brunette hauled Kristen out of the ropes and towards the center of the ring. Arriving at their destination, Alexis grabbed hold of Kristen’s left wrist in both hands and said in a low, cold voice, “Try to make sure your knee holds up all the way to the corner ok Kristen? I don’t want to have to do this twice.”

Receiving nothing more than a groan in response, Alexis shook her head in disdain and whipped Kristen hard into the corner where she hit with a dull, sweaty thud. Satisfied that Kristen was sufficiently hobbled, Alexis backed up several paces and then launched forward in a dead run towards her incapacitated foe. With only a few feet between them, Alexis left her feet in a smooth jump, her shadow falling across Kristen as the Avalanche Splash roared home. The only problem for Alexis was that Kristen somehow managed to jump as well. As Alexis flew in for the kill, Kristen’s stupor dropped away and she grabbed the top rope on either side of her. Curling her legs, she rested her feet on the middle turnbuckle for a moment and in the second before Bledel would have crushed her into paste, Kristen leaped high into the air. Alexis‘ own momentum worked against her in this situation and she ended up eating a face full of the top turnbuckle and she was given an unwanted second helping when Kristen stomped down between her shoulders with both feet and used the brunette like a springboard to soar through the air and land awkwardly in the center of the ring.

Shaking her head at the sloppy landing caused by the terrible ache in her left leg, Kristen turned around slowly and saw Alexis had managed to turn around and face her, but was still draped out in the corner. Putting a little pressure on her injured leg a dark look crossed Kristen’s face and she muttered, “You may have broke one of my wheels Alexis, but you’re going to wish you had thought to break both.”
Refusing to waste any more time, the tiny blonde hurled herself forward in a limping run that culminated in her leaving her feet for just a moment before they found a new home on Alexis’ face and chest. The impact of the Dropkick nearly knocked Alexis out of the ring, but she was able to get a grip on the top rope to regain her footing. Sadly, it might have been better if she had tumbled out of the ring because she had only taken a few tottering steps out of the corner when Kristen bulled her way into the brunette and shoved her back into the buckles. Ducking low, Kristen wrapped both her arms around the brunette’s thighs and lifted up, rudely muscling her dazed opponent into a sitting position on the top buckle. Looking up into Alexis’ slack features Kristen taunted, “See what happens when you leave me with one good leg? I can still kick your face in, not to mention do stuff like this!” Moving as quickly as she could, Kristen climbed up the ropes until she at the top, one leg on either side of Alexis and her crotch only inches from the brunette’s face. Holding onto Bledel’s shoulders for balance, Kristen looked out at the redlining crowd, blew them a kiss and then executed a short hop, locking both legs around Alexis’ head as she fell back to complete the top rope Hurricanrana.

Kristen felt things were well in hand, but her plan suddenly hit a snag when she stopped falling about halfway down. Looking up with panic in her eyes, the blonde was horrified to see that Alexis had locked her arms around Kristen’s thighs in a death-grip and was currently holding the blonde inverted a few feet above the mat. Gritting her teeth to hold the struggling blonde in this position, Alexis got her feet on the middle rope and stood up, allowing herself a little more maneuvering room. In the next few seconds she managed to shift her grip on Bell’s legs so that had tucked both of her adversary’s ankles into her armpits. Looking out at the crowd, Alexis called out, “Time for that top to come off!” Then she leapt off the middle rope with Kristen still in her grasp; both brunette and blonde landed hard, but Kristen got the worst of it because she landed on her belly while Alexis landed on her feet, still holding her blonde foe in something loosely resembling a Boston Crab.

Realizing they were still too close to the ropes, Alexis stayed standing and walked them both out until they were far away from the cables. Almost satisfied, Alexis muscled Kristen’s legs into a figure four shape, making sure that Bell’s wounded left leg was the bent part of the four. Tucking the ankles of the straightened leg under her armpit, Alexis sat down hard and pulled back with everything she had, applying the crippling Texas Cloverleaf in the middle of the ring.

Kristen’s back and legs exploded with pain, and the blonde couldn’t contain the hair-raising screams that burst forth from her throat. She reached desperately towards the ropes with both hands but they might as well have been on the moon for all the good they could do her now.

Holding Kristen’s legs tightly in their contorted state, Alexis closed her eyes and leaned back even further, yelling at the ref, “ASK HER!”

The ref did as he was asked and knelt down and said calmly, “Do you give up Miz. Bell?”

Tortured and depleted, Kristen could only nod slightly and slap the mat. The ref called for the bell immediately and it clanged loudly, signaling the end of the first fall. Hearing the bell sound, Alexis let out a triumphant bellow and tossed Kristen’s legs aside before stepping forward a few paces to catch her breath.

Several seconds later, she turned around to see a pained and dejected looking Kristen Bell pick herself off the mat. When the two young women locked eyes, the blonde’s pain dropped away and only anger was left. But Alexis was immune to this venom, at least for the moment. Taking a step forward she took a deep breath and said, “I believe you have something for me.”

Bell bit her lip for a moment and then reached up, quickly peeling off her top. Ignoring the cheers and flashbulbs, she handed top to an expectant Alexis and glowered, “Come from behind victories always make better stories anyway.”

Alexis smiled tauntingly and fired back, “I’ve always been a fan of the sweep myself.”

“Never gonna happen.” Kristen said firmly. Turning her attention to the official she said, “Hey stripey, would ya stop staring at my boobs and ring the bell? I’ve got a score to settle.”

The zebra answered with an embarrassed nod and he signaled for the bell to ring. When it did, Kristen looked back at Alexis and said, “Now…where were we?”

Alexis dropped into a crouch and answered, “I was just about to show these people your second set of tan lines.” Bell snorted derisively and then the two rivals were charging each other once more. This time when they came together there was no technical or scientific grappling, only wild undisciplined bar room style brawling. For several seconds, hard, tiny fists banged away on hip, belly, cheek and breasts as the two adversaries fought for the advantage. After a few more punches had been absorbed, Kristen grabbed a handful of Alexis’ hair in one hand and proceeded to nearly stand the brunette up on her toes with a chin splitting Uppercut. Bledel moaned and tried to pull away, but Kristen kept after her, trapping the retreating girl in a hard Front Face Lock.

Hooking the taller girl up in the Vertical Suplex start position, Kristen pulled tauntingly on Alexis’ dark blue briefs and said, “You tried to crack my skull open, I thought I’d return the favor.” Speaking no more she started to pull Bledel off her feet, but before she could get there, the brunette locked one of her legs inside Kristen’s effectively blocking the throw. Cursing Bledel’s resilience, Kristen was about to attempt the Suplex again when the brunette suddenly clamped down on her, keeping her in place. Before Kristen knew what hit her, Alexis twisted hard to the right and fell to the mat, wrenching the blonde’s neck violently and snapping her back first into the canvas with something most akin to a high speed Swinging Neckbreaker.

Easily extricating herself from the last remnants of Kristen’s grip, Alexis got to her feet, smoothed out her hair and chided, “Re-gifting is so tacky Kristen. You’d do better to come up with your own ideas. Like what I’ve got planned for you next, it’s pretty cool, so I don’t want to see you using it… I mean after this match and all. I don’t think you’ll be in much condition to do anything for a while after I plant you with it.” Waiting for some witty verbal barb that never came, Alexis only shrugged and pulled the blonde to her feet. Dragging her unresponsive prey towards the corner, Alexis found an angle she liked and stopped. Looking over at Kristen she said, “Stop me if you’ve heard this one…”

She maneuvered around so that she was standing on front of Kristen with her back facing the blonde. Reaching back over her shoulder, she grabbed Kristen by the head and pulled her in close.

Then she tucked Bell’s chin against her shoulder to complete the Three Quarter Face Lock (think of it as a Headlock applied only to the top of Kristen‘s head). Her face set in a cold glare, Alexis suddenly sprinted towards the corner with the blonde still in tow.

As she neared the buckles, Bledel never slowed, running up the turnbuckles while she was still holding onto Kristen‘s head. As she cleared the top buckle, Alexis moved to swing herself around and then fall butt first to the canvas, to hit a wickedly augmented version of her own ‘Last Word’ finisher, but her plans were rudely interrupted when Kristen got her hands up and shoved against Alexis’ butt as hard as she possibly could. Bledel’s face changed from confidence to horrified shock as Kristen broke the brunette’s tenuous grip on her head and sent her tumbling over the top rope to the floor below. Alexis hit with an ungodly SMACK and stayed put, not moving much as the crowd voiced the requisite ‘HOLY SHIT’ chants. Kristen took several deep breaths and watched carefully as the brunette outside ever so slowly starting to come around. Taking several steps backward, Kristen allowed her gaze to leave Alexis and venture towards the crowd.

Looking at no one in particular she called, “Get your cameras ready!” The crowd roared and several flashbulbs went off right away.

“Not these you dopes!” Kristen said, motioning to her bare breasts as she shook her head sadly.

Giving up on audience communication, Kristen returned her focus to Alexis and saw that the brunette was only now rising to one knee. Taking another step back she whispered, “That’s my cue.”

She bounded towards the ropes on the other side of the ring before heading back towards Alexis’ side a lot faster than anyone would have ever imagined. Just when it appeared that the blonde was going to simply crash into the ropes, Kristen left her feet and landed on the top rope with both feet balanced precariously. Ignoring the collective gasp of the crowd, Kristen waited just long enough to see her shadow fall over Alexis and then she jumped again, going high into the air before coming down fast in with an absolutely breathtaking Springboard Plancha.

Poor Alexis never knew what hit her! She barely managed to lift her head partway up before Kristen came crashing down on her and flattened her against the mat. Lying sprawled breathlessly on top of the ruin that was Alexis Bledel, Kristen got to her feet and raised both hands high, drinking in the applause of the audience.

Taking several measured breaths, Kristen smiled and gasped, “Betcha never seen a topless chick do THAT before.”

While the crowd continued to heap praise on the suddenly domineering blonde, Kristen continued her war against Alexis’ anatomy. Pulling the semi-coherent brunette to her feet, Bell pulled her prey along behind her until they were standing right near the steel steps at one corner of the ring. Moving onto the middle step, Kristen positioned Alexis in font of her and pulled her close, trapping the hapless beauty in a tight Waist Lock. Bending her knees slightly, Kristen purred into Alexis’ ear, “And here’s another chant worthy moment, brought to you by Kristen Bell and her amazing tackling dummy Alexis. Stand by to begin chant in 4,3,2,1...”

After passing ‘ONE’ the blonde bore down on the Waist Lock even tighter and then bridged back hard and fast, taking Alexis up and over. When Bledel was over her head, Kristen simply let go, leaving the brunette to land folded up like a matchbook, the recipient of an ungodly Release German Suplex delivered from the steps. Pulling herself off the mat, Kristen played to the fans some more; thoroughly enjoying being able to treat Alexis so badly after the brunette had claimed the first fall. Keeping the mob in the palm of her hand, Bell flicked a bead of sweat of her belly before smiling widely and turned her attention back to Alexis who hadn’t done much moving since the Suplex had connected.

Sauntering over to her battered foe, Kristen bent down and grabbed a handful of the brunette tights before hoisting her up and throwing her back in the ring. Scooting in under the bottom rope, Kristen lay beside Alexis and said casually, “Well that was fun, but I like it in the ring better. After all, I can’t make you tap on the outside. Well, I guess I could make you tap, but it wouldn’t count and why would I make you give up if you didn’t have to surrender your top afterward hmh? And why am I still talking to you? It’s not like your coherent enough to understand just what it is I’m about to do to you.” Rolling her eyes, Bell pushed to her knees and then got to her feet. Standing by Alexis’ head, she knelt down and pulled the brunette to her knees before trapping her in a loose Standing Headscissors.

Wiggling her hips slightly, Kristen reached down, wrapped her hands around Alexis’ waist and then pulled her up into position for a Pile Driver. Holding Alexis inverted in this controlling position, Kristen smiled and said, “God this is fun. Almost a shame that I have to stop eventually. Beating your over-rated, condescending ass has been one of the highlights of my career.” Finished taunting, she fell back, spiking the top of Alexis’ head into the canvas to complete the move. Getting to her feet, Kristen looked down at Bledel and realized that the brunette was probably close to unconsciousness.

She was still surveying her rival when the ref approached her and said, “Aren’t you gonna finish her off?”

Kristen smiled at him and said, “Easy pal, you’ll get to see her naked soon enough. I want to tenderize her a little more. After all, she could be playing possum.” The zebra only shrugged and Kristen decided to ask the audience’s opinion once more. Pointing towards the corner she said, “Go up top?”

The crowd got to their feet and urged the blonde to make the right decision. Still grinning Bell said, “You guys may be dopes, but you do know sound strategy when you see it. Let’s go up top.” She limped over to the nearest corner and then climbed up to the top buckle. Turning around so that she was facing the ring, Kristen was uncharacteristically silent as she leaped off into the void and came crashing down with her right thigh smashing across Alexis’ face in a perfect Guillotine Leg Drop. Bledel’s body jackknifed once and then she lay still. For all intents and purposes, she was out cold. Shaking off the sting of her landing, Kristen got to her feet and stalked Alexis, begging the brunette to get up. Nearly twenty seconds later, Alexis finally obliged her, pushing first to her hands and knees before very slowly regaining her feet. She had just lurched around to find Kristen when the cagey blonde exploded forward with her left arm extended in a Clothesline.

Somehow, despite all the abuse she had taken over the previous several minutes, Alexis cleared her head and ducked under Kristen’s flailing arm at the last possible second. Operating solely on instinct, the brunette spun around on her heel, set her feet and fired off a lighting fast Super Kick that caught Kristen directly under the chin with a resounding ‘CRACK’! Bell was knocked flat on her back while Alexis was dropped to her knees, the punishment the blonde had doled out was really beginning to wear on her. Breathing hard for several seconds, Alexis rested her forehead on the mat and then pulled herself up to a vertical base.

Looking down at the blonde with a disgusted expression, she threw Bell’s earlier taunt back in her face. “Gonna need to tenderize you a little more Kristen. You might be playing possum.” Bending down much more slowly than she normally would, Alexis dug her claws into Kristen’s hair and hauled her to her feet. Still holding Kristen by the hair, Alexis spun the shorter girl around and bent her awkwardly backward, trapping the blonde’s chin in her armpit with an Inverted Face Lock. Grabbing a handful of Bell’s tights with her right hand, Alexis bent at the knees for a moment and then lifted up and back, hoisting her overhead to deliver an Inverted Suplex. But at the moment that Kristen should have landed belly and chest first on the mat the blonde slipped free of Alexis’ grip and landed heavily on her feet right behind the brunette.

Before Alexis could even turn around, Kristen kicked her in the knee bringing the taller girl to one knee. In the next instant she reached forward and applied an Inverted Face Lock of her own, trapping Alexis’ neck and upper torso in an inescapable loop. Still shaking off the effects of the Super Kick, Kristen growled, “No fluke Kristen, you’re about to tap out.” Then the blonde turned over and sat down, applying a maneuver that combined the best of the Dragon Sleeper and the best of the Camel Clutch. Sitting heavily on Bledel’s back, Kristen kept her hands locked and leaned way back, working the Dragon Clutch to the hilt. Bouncing up and down on Alexis’ tautly stretched back, Kristen threw her head back and shrieked, “ASK HER REF!”

Kneeling in front of Alexis, the ref said, “Do you want to submit Miz. Bledel?”

Unable to see the official thanks to the horrible angle her neck was bent at, Alexis still managed to tap the mat and choke out, “I…Give…”

The official turned and called for the bell. Five seconds later, the score was tied one apiece. Shouting in triumph, Kristen released Alexis, allowing the brunette to fall limply to the mat. Sitting on the brunette’s lower back, Kristen saluted the crowd and then rose to her feet, allowing Alexis to pick herself off the mat. A few moments later, Alexis got her hands under her and rose up on spaghetti legs. Rubbing her neck gingerly, Alexis frowned when she locked eyes with the woman that had just made her submit. Watching Alexis expectantly, Kristen said, “Looks like we match now Alexis.”

Bledel nodded slowly as she reached behind her and undid her top. Not letting her gaze drop as she handed the garment off to the blonde, Alexis said, “For now at least.”

Kristen took the top and draped it in her corner. Turning her attention back to Alexis she nodded and answered, “For now.”

The two weary adversaries were still staring each other down when the bell sounded to begin the third and final fall. Knowing they had very little left in their respective tanks, Alexis and Kristen charged blindly into one another, locking up in a tight clinch that sent them bouncing off the ropes, the turnbuckles and even the referee. After several more moments of mindless grappling, Kristen broke the stalemate and slipped behind Alexis, applying a tight Waist Lock as she did so. Remembering her success on the outside of the ring, Kristen bent her knees and bridged back, tossing Alexis over her head with another German Suplex. But this time Alexis knew what was coming and she rolled with the force of the throw, landing on her feet behind the startled blonde. Standing up straight, Alexis whirled the blonde around and booted her in the gut to double her over. Stepping forward, the brunette trapped Kristen in a Front Face Lock and panted, “Let’s see if I can keep it in the ring this time.”

Speaking no more, Alexis sprinted toward the ropes with Kristen still in tow. When the brunette neared the edge of the ring, she literally ran up the ropes and spun back towards the center before falling to the mat and planting Kristen’s skull in the canvas with a scintillating Tornado DDT. Sitting on her butt, Alexis took note of the boneless way Kristen was sprawled beside her and knew it was time to end the fight. Sidling up right next to the blonde’s face, Alexis grabbed Kristen’s right arm and pulled it under Bell’s throat before scissoring both legs around Kristen’s skull in a breath stealing Triangle Choke. Making sure her ankles were locked, Alexis pulled back hard trying her damndest to force Kristen to say the two little words that would end this war.

But Bell wasn’t willing to give up the fight just yet and with the little remaining fortitude she had left, the blonde got her legs under her and inched slowly back until she was able to lace her ankles around the bottom rope, guaranteeing that the match would continue for at least a little while longer. Gasping with a crippling combination of disbelief and exhaustion, Alexis unclamped her legs and got to her feet a few seconds before Kristen could get to hers.

Drawing the tired blonde in with nothing more than a glance, Alexis ducked under the wild haymaker that Kristen sent her way and slipped behind the smaller girl. Moving as quickly as she could muster, Alexis wrapped one hand across the blonde’s waist while she forced her head in between Kristen’s torso and her left arm. With no hesitation at all, Alexis lifted Kristen off her feet, preparing to splatter her nemesis against the canvas with a Back Drop Suplex. In the split second before Alexis could fall back to the mat, Kristen wiggled free and rolled down the brunette’s back, landing behind her. Not even bothering with a cute quip, the decimated girl hooked Bledel up for a Back Drop Suplex of her own, but when she had Bledel up for the drop, instead of falling backward, she sat out and tossed her opponent forward, driving her face and chest first into the mat with a modified Facebuster.

Allowing herself a wounded smile as Alexis flopped on the canvas beside her, Kristen scissored her legs around the brunette’s head, making sure the back of Alexis’ head was resting against her crotch. Not bothering to lock her ankles Kristen said quietly, “Well Alexis, if I can’t squeeze a submission out of you, maybe I can BEAT one out of you.” Keeping her legs tight against the sides of Alexis’ skull, Kristen quickly rolled over onto her belly, taking Alexis along with her. Keeping her hands planted flat against the mat, Kristen pulled her legs up and then brought them down, driving the brunette’s face into the canvas. Not satisfied with a single impact, Kristen pulled her legs up and then brought them down over and over again, not trying to make Alexis submit as much as she was trying to batter her into so much senseless wreckage. After another pair of skull busting collisions, Kristen released her grip and slid away from Alexis, leaving her brunette opposition face down on the mat.

Standing a few feet behind Alexis, Kristen smoothed her hair out of her face and then drew a thumb across her throat. Smiling sadistically as the crowd rose to their feet, Kristen mouthed, “Absolutely Incredible…” The mob’s volume went up several decibels as Kristen dropped into a crouch and beckoned the slowly rising Alexis to turn and face her. Curling her fingers toward Bledel, Kristen took a few steps closer and called, “Behind ya skinny!”

Alexis turned around fast and Kristen lunged, scooping the taller girl up stomach first across her shoulder. Savoring the moment, Kristen placed her hands under Alexis’ arms and extended her arms upward, so that Bledel was lifted up as high as she could go. Nodding her head as the crowd urged her on, Kristen took several shuddering steps forward and suddenly tossed Alexis up, looking to complete the ‘Absolutely Incredi-Bell.’ But instead of simply falling into Kristen’s clutches, Alexis used the blonde’s push to float out of Bell’s grasp and land on one knee behind Kristen. Realizing she had been handed a perfect opportunity, Alexis extended her good hand and whispered, “Turn around Kristen, I’m right behind you.”

Apparently Kristen heard the brunette’s invocation because she did turn around, right into a leaping Alexis Bledel. At the height of Alexis’ jump, she shot her right arm out and clasped it behind Kristen’s neck, trying to pull the blonde off her feet and face first into the mat with her ‘Last Word’ Finisher. The brunette was starting to come down when Kristen got her hands on Bledel’s back and shoved her forward. Alexis’ loose grip was broken and the slender beauty was propelled forward into the space that just happened to be occupied by the referee. Alexis and the zebra collided head on, their skulls clacking together with a dull thud before both crumpled to the mat in a heap.

From her kneeling vantage point, Kristen saw her nemesis and the zebra go down and before she slumped forward in an exhausted pile she thought, “Another fluke. Man do we have rotten luck.” Then she collapsed on the mat and was unable to do anything more than breathe hard and try to return from her semi-conscious state.

Observing the wreckage in the ring, the crowd was quiet for a few moments and then they began to urge their favorite to her feet as the Yellow Sign Tavern rang with competing chants of ‘LET’S GO KRISTEN!’ or ‘LETS GO ALEXIS!'

Through a thick haze of pain, Alexis heard the crowd calling her name and she slowly opened her eyes. Realizing the match was still going on, Alexis rolled onto her side and rose to one knee. Seeing Kristen laying face down on the canvas, Alexis raised her arm and pointed towards Kristen, the call sign for another attempt at the ‘Last Word’.

Taking a deep, ragged breath, Alexis panted, “This is…this is it Kristen…this is…how it ends.”

Well, that turned out to be true - but not for the reasons Alexis expected! In the next second, all the lights in the club went out and nothing could be heard except the confused BUZZZZ of the crowd. Silence reigned for a few more moments; then the capacity crowd exploded in surprise when the speakers spat a burst of static the distinctive punk-ified riff of ‘Paint It Black’ whistled through the Tavern.

After nearly seven months of light, it seemed as if the Darkness was back. But if the most fearsome faction in the history of Fannin’s promotion was back for an encore, it appeared that they’d changed their entrance because right after the opening to Paint It Black concluded, their was an almost feline burst of static and then a different quartet of haunting notes started up (fans of macabre angst rock would recognize it as the opening to Slipknot’s ‘Vermilion‘) Then a single bright red spotlight clicked on and Alexis was illuminated, looking rather confused in the middle of the blood red light.

Alexis was no longer alone. There was a woman in a black hooded robe standing a few steps behind the brunette, waiting absolutely motionless. Blinded by the light, Bledel heard the crowd gasp and realized what was going on. Spinning on her heel, she was looking for Kristen only to be surprised by the woman in the robe.

Bledel’s blue eyes widened and she said, “Who the hell are…”

The mystery woman exploded forward and booted Alexis in the gut, doubling her over. Seemingly in the same motion, the hooded woman scooped Alexis up, holding her parallel across her shoulders in what appeared to be the beginnings of a Torture Rack. Instead of merely locking in the Rack, the Interloper pushed up on Alexis’ butt and sent the slender brunette flipping off her shoulders to be driven chest first into mat, a sort of Inverted Death Valley Driver. Sitting on her haunches, the mystery woman made sure her hood was still securely in place before getting to her feet. Standing in the center of the light, she raised her arms, a perfect imitation of Katie Holmes’ trademark sigil. She was still holding that pose when an oddly altered female voice delivered a three-word invitation… “KATIE COME HOME.” Then she lowered her arms and the lights went out again. When they came on, the hooded woman was gone, leaving only the demolished form of Alexis Bledel as proof of her existence.

Oblivious to everything that had gone on, Kristen Bell opened her eyes and saw Alexis still laying face down on the mat. Rising slowly to her feet, Kristen limped over to Alexis and sat heavily on her back. Reaching down to Alexis’ shoulders, Kristen hooked both of the brunette’s arms in her own and clasped her hands, creating a nearly unbreakable loop. Breathing hard, the blonde whispered, “Certainly not the domineering fashion I would have chosen to beat you in, but given the circumstances, I’ll take it. You fought hard Alexis, but now you’re gonna get wrecked by the curve.”

From the depths of her agony, Alexis mumbled, “Cheated…”

Kristen paused. This sort of excuse making wasn’t like Alexis at all. Attributing the mumbling to the beating she’d taken, Kristen finished the hold by flipping forward and landing on her feet, holding a high bridge while she still had Alexis’ arms in her grip. The blonde had just locked in the Bell Curve in the middle of the ring, and there was no way Alexis was getting out. Bridging up as hard as she could, Kristen called out, “DAMMIT REF, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?”

Still rubbing his aching head, the ref mumbled, “No need to shout, I’m right here.”

Not even close to satisfied, Kristen shouted, “Would you just ask her for god’s sakes?

Ignoring the blonde’s anger, the zebra dropped to the mat and got as close to Alexis’ pain drenched face as he could. Speaking quietly he asked, “Do you want to give up Alexis?”

Trapped on the mat, suffering through the agony of the Bell Curve and the surprise attack from the hooded woman, Alexis knew she had to throw in the towel. Though she hated the thought of being stripped bare in front of the crowd, she hated the thought of her career ending even more. Resigned to her fate, Alexis opened her mouth and whispered, “Submit”

The ref turned to the outside and motioned for the bell. It clanged three times a second later and the long war of attrition was finally over. Realizing she had won, Kristen released the Bell Curve and clawed her way to her feet. Raising her arms high overhead as the Announcer declared her the winner, Kristen grinned and said, “Let’s complete my set shall…”

The statement died on her lips and Bell’s face twisted in surprise as the video screen at the top of the ramp replayed the surprise attack on Alexis. Titling her head to the side, Kristen looked from the screen, then to Alexis and back again. Putting her hands on her hips, Kristen sighed. “I just got robbed by Friar Tuck.” she said. Shaking her head in disgust, Kristen limped over to Alexis and offered her hand to the kneeling brunette.

Sensing a presence over her, Alexis looked up and saw Kristen’s hand. Staring distrustfully at the blonde she said, “Here for your pound of flesh?”

Kristen shook her head and replied, “I would have settled for your bottoms, but I’m not taking anything I didn’t earn myself.”

Alexis cocked an eyebrow and asked, “You didn’t have anything to do with that?”

Kristen shook her head. “Please. I don’t traffic in that spooky ass lighting shit. If I wanted to scare you, I’d post your cell number on the Website. Now are you going to let me help you up or are ya gonna keep kneeling there and make me look like a tool?”

Alexis nodded and lifted her hand, allowing Kristen to take it. The blonde pulled her off the mat, leaving the two rivals standing face to face once again. Smiling weakly, Alexis said, “Ya beat me twice. No flukes involved.”

Kristen rolled her eyes. “No flukes maybe, but the crazy renaissance fair wannabe certainly ####ed things up. We’ve still got things to settle Alexis.”

The brunette nodded and answered, “Sure we do. But unless you want to end this with a game of checkers, I think we’ll have to wait for another night.”

Kristen’s snarky grin made another appearance. “Screw checkers. Now Uno, there’s a game.”

Alexis shook her head. “Always the smartass Bell.”

The blonde’s response was quick as ever. “Better than being a dumbass Bledel. Now let’s get out of here. If you haven’t noticed, people are still snapping pictures.”

Alexis sighed tiredly but still managed to smile. “Lead the way Kristen.” Kristen only nodded and turned away. Slipping out of the ring, the two tired young women limped up the ramp amidst the cheers of the crowd. Though the evening hadn’t ended the way either of them had hoped, both blonde and brunette could rest easy in knowing they’d put on a hell of a show. And that was no fluke.